


Dear Diary

by Playfulpippapony



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, I know Brienne probably wouldn't keep a diary, OT3, Polyamory, The Lannister Twins reading Brienne's diary without her knowledge, as everyone is alive, but they're not in the story, including Tommen and Myrcella, please suspend your disbelief for the sake of the plot, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 01:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19346347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Playfulpippapony/pseuds/Playfulpippapony
Summary: Jaime his morally conflicted when Cersei finds Brienne's diary and starts reading bits out to him.





	Dear Diary

**Author's Note:**

> I need more stories for this throuple! I love the idea that Cersei is at one end of the moral spectrum, Brienne is at the other end, and Jaime is just kinda sliding between the two ends trying to keep the women he loves happy.
> 
> I don't know if they even have 'diaries' in Westeros, but for the sake of this story let's pretend they do. Also, this doesn't take place during any specific time or place in the show. It is an au, since they're all alive and living somewhere safe (presumably Tarth).

It had been a tiring day. Jaime was finished with his duties and longed to retire to his chambers for some rest and supper, maybe take a bath and later visit his lovers, wherever they may be. He knew Brienne would be in the training yard for another hour, and with Tommen and Myrcella at their lessons his sister was most likely in their chambers. 

For the first time in years, Jaime was happy with how his life was going. Two children he can finally call his own, and two beautiful women who he loved more than anything in this world. Now if only he could get some rest, then everything would be perfect.

Cersei was in their chambers, as he’d predicted, reading a book at their table. She had no scheduled duties like himself and Brienne, so she was often reading when she wasn't with the children, drinking, or plotting something they would inevitably have to put a stop to. He had begun to remove his armor when he heard Cersei chuckle.

“Funny book then?”. Jaime continued to undress, taking off his golden hand and his shirt.

“Delightful”. He wrestled his right arm through the sleeve, then pulled the rest over his head. 

“What is it?”. He ran his left hand through his hair in an attempt to tame it.

“Brienne’s diary”. Jaime turned around quickly, staring at Cersei in disbelief. She just sat there, eyes never leaving the page.

Jaime swallowed and steadied himself. “What?”. He must have misheard her, right?

“Brienne's diary”. Nope, hadn't misheard. 

“Might I ask why?”. He shouldn't have been surprised. Cersei had invaded people's privacy before, but he'd thought maybe she would have had more respect when it came to her lover. Clearly not.

“I found it in a box under her bed”. She replied, as if it was a valid answer. Jaime walked over to her, resting his hand on the table and leaning over her.

“And you don't think that maybe you should have, left it alone?” She shook her head causing Jaime to sigh. “You need to put it back where you found it”.

“And I will, once I've finished”. He coughed and waited until Cersei finally looked up at him. “Yes?”.

“You're invading Brienne’s privacy. Don't you feel even a little bit bad about that?” He knew his twin’s answer before she even spoke. He had hoped that some of Brienne’s honor would have rubbed off on her over the eight months they'd been together. But alas, it had not. 

“Why should I? If she didn't want people to know her thoughts she wouldn't have written them down”. She could feel the disapproval radiating off of him. “Don't look at me like that. You want to read it as much as I do”.

“No I don't. Besides, I didn't even know Brienne kept a diary”. She had never struck Jaime as the kind of person who would express her feelings in any way, other than with a sword perhaps. Let alone record them in words.

“Apparently she does, and it turns out our Lady Knight has quite the way with words”. She turned the page and looked back at her brother. “Don't act like you're better than me, I know you want to know what it says”.

Jaime stood up. “That’s dishonorable”. Cersei smiled.

“Fuck honorable”. Jaime walked away and sat on the bed facing away from her. “I could read it to you if you'd prefer”.

“No. I will not be dragged into this”. When Brienne finds out she'll be humiliated, furious, and upset (not necessarily in that order). He did not want to be the one to hurt her. Even if he couldn't stop his sister from reading it, he could still do what was right.

“Fine, be like that”. She stayed silent, continuing to read while Jaime pretended to ignore her. After a few minutes however, he couldn't help it anymore, just as Cersei had known he wouldn't.

“What would she even write about anyway?”. Cersei looked up, her smug eyes met his across the room.

“Us”. 

“Us?”. Jaime walked over to where she was seated, pulled out the chair opposite from her and took a seat. _‘I am going to regret this’_.

“There are the occasional sections about battles and politics, but for the most part it seems she writes about you and I”. She smirked. “Page after page about her ‘Golden Lions’”. She gave Jaime an innocent look, which he knew from experience was anything but innocent. “Would you like to hear what she thinks of us?”

“We shouldn't be reading it”. It was a pathetic argument he knew, clinging to what little honor he had left. They were going to read it either way, he knew it.

“I'll take that as a yes”. She made a show of flicking through the pages, looking for a particular story to read out. “Here, about a week before we put her out of her misery, when told her that her feelings were reciprocated”. From the looks of it this entry was very close to the beginning of the book. _‘How much has she written about us?’_. “Ready?”. Jaime let out a resigned sigh and nodded. Cersei began to read the entry aloud…

 

_‘This is wrong. I should not feel this way about them. If it were just Ser Jaime, then at least that would make sense, but I find my thoughts wandering to both him, and his sister. I have never heard of someone loving two people at once without it ending in disaster, and the Lannister twins are dangerous enough without adding my perverted thoughts into it. Besides, Lady Cersei would never love anyone other than her brother, and would never let someone else even think about him in that way._

_And yet, I do, as I think of her as well. How she uses her words as a weapon, as I or Jaime would use a sword. How she cares so very deeply for her children, the way the sun shines off her golden hair, her eyes like emeralds. The same eyes as her brother. How they stare into my own as we spar, filled with energy and determination._

_I feel like I'm being torn apart by golden lions with glimmering green eyes. One is skilled with swords, the other with words. It's so very wrong, but I can't stop thinking about them. I try to choose only one of them, but I can't. If I pick one, the other shall rip me apart with longing and guilt. But I can't have both, and I doubt that even one of them would want me when they could have their golden twin.’_

 

Once she had finished Cersei looked up at her brother. She was smiling, the same cruel smile Jaime had seen on her many times before. “Why are you so pleased? She sounded like she was suffering”.

“I believe she compared it to being ‘torn apart by golden lions’”. When that didn't pacify him she continued, “Oh come on, you were suffering too. Always pining after her, following her around like a lost dog. Doesn't it make you feel better knowing she was troubled too?”

“No, it doesn't. Why would I want the woman I love to be in pain?” Cersei rolled her eyes. “It sounds like she believed we'd mock her for her feelings”.

“It's understandable. After all, she's been considered a joke her whole life, why would this be any different?” Despite her matter of fact tone, Jaime could see that it hurt Cersei just as much as it did him to think about how people had treated Brienne in the past. She may not always show it, but his sister truly did love her. “Would you like to hear another?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Of course you do. You can either leave me to read it by myself, or you can join me”. Knowing it was useless to ask her again to stop, he made a motion with his hand indicating for her to go on. She smiled and flicked to a new entry...

 

_‘I heard them again last night. Do they not realize how improper it is to be that loud? Do they not realize anyone can hear them? That I can hear them?_

_Ever since Ser Jaime, Lady Cersei and myself have confessed our mutual attraction for one another, I find myself lying in my chambers thinking about them. Thinking about how her hair falls like a golden waterfall over her shoulders, how he smirks while we when he bests me in a fight. I think about what it must look like when they kiss, when they touch each other. I remember how Ser Jaime looked that day at Harrenhall, half a God and half a corpse. I think about how he must look now that he is no longer wasting away, healthy and strong. I haven't a clue what Lady Cersei would look like without her gown. In my head she is the opposite of me. Soft curves, full breasts, everything a woman should be, and everything I am not._

_The only thing I know with certainty is how they sound when they lie together._

_I tell myself it's annoying, that I should ask them to stop. But as I lie there listening, I know I don't really want them to. I may be a maid, but even I know that those are the sounds of pleasure coming from their room. The way they sigh and moan each other’s names, the way she asks for more. I wonder how I'd sound if I joined them, if I'd forget all my dignity and moan as they do. I would never be as alluring as Lady Cersei. I would most likely grunt like the beast I am, and they'd realize they were mistaken in their attraction for me. I am happy to remain a maid if it means I do not lose what I have now, even if I have to listen to their sighs of pleasure while I pathetically touch myself, alone, to ease the ache they caused.’_

 

Jaime was filled with two conflicting emotions once Cersei had stopped reading. One was an overwhelming sadness that Brienne could feel that way about herself. That she had feared if they saw her they may have been, repulsed, by her body. While it hurt that she had so little trust in them, Jaime knew these insecurities were not personal. They were the product of a lifetime of mockery and cruelty. He’d hoped he had proven to her that he was sincere, that he thought her beautiful. Clearly those strongly rooted fears were more powerful than he'd thought.

The other feeling, the one he was ashamed of himself for, was arousal. To know Brienne had touched herself while listening to Cersei and him fucking in the next room aroused him more than he had any right to be. He should feel disgusted with himself, learning that Brienne had been so insecure, and yet he was still turned on. Something about her hearing them, knowing exactly what they were doing, and not being disgusted or repulsed made him love her even more. 

He knew Cersei felt the same. Maybe she wasn't ashamed, but she was just as aroused by this confession as himself. They had had to keep their relationship a secret for so long, there was something powerful about someone not only knowing about it, but getting off on it. Coupled with the fact it was honorable, proper Brienne, it was intoxicating.

“We need to stop”. This was wrong. Brienne wrote this with the intention of it never being read, and they were violating her privacy. She loved them, she trusted them, and they were betraying that trust.

“Why? We've already invaded her privacy, what different does it make it we keep going?” Jaime stood up quickly and walked away. “Don't you want to hear about the night we took her maiden head?”. He stopped.

“Why should I? I was there wasn't I?” But it was pointless, and Cersei knew it. The night they first took Brienne into their bed had been one of the most glorious moments of his life. The chance to hear her own record of that night was too tempting to resist, so he didn't. After a moment he sighed deeply, sat on the edge of their bed, stared at the floor and waited for Cersei to begin…

 

_‘I thought I would feel different. The way my Septas spoke of it, I thought I would change and become… something else. But, I feel no different now than I did yesterday, or the day before. The only difference is, I am no longer The Maid of Tarth._

_It all began with dinner in their chambers. We had dined together many times before, but tonight felt different. I don't know why, but they… desired me. The way they looked at me, at each other, but I didn't dare hope._

_Then, Cersei kissed me. She had done this before, but before it had been a chaste sign of affection. This was different. Then Jaime did the same, while Cersei began to undo the laces of my shirt. When I asked them what they were doing they told me they wanted to lie with me, that they wanted to make love to me._

_At first I feared it was a jape, that they would pull away and laugh. But soon I realized, they were sincere. They truly wanted me, in the way I wanted them._

_I remember very little of what was said, but I remember the feelings vividly. How she kissed my chest, how he stroked my thigh. They did things to me it would be improper to record here, but I do not need to, for I shall remember that night until the day I die._

_One thing I shall say though, however unladylike it may be considered, is when Jaime took my maiden head. I was told there would be pain, that a lady shouldn't feel pleasure. Either they were wrong, or I am not much a lady. The feeling of him filling me was exquisite. Combined with Cersei’s kisses, I was overwhelmed by pleasure. I fear I may have moaned and grunted, but from the looks on their faces I don't believe they minded._

_Once they had had their pleasure I was worried they would leave me, or make me return to my chambers so they may sleep. To my immense delight they stayed with me, and held me as they slept. As we lay there I began to wonder if we would ever do what we had just done again. I hoped so, but I feared they'd grow tired of me. That they’d realize how golden and beautiful they were, and how they didn't need a great beast like me getting in the way. I didn't regret what we had done, I never could, but I feared now I knew the pleasure of their touch, that if they were to take that pleasure away I would surely break._

_However, I was woken sometime later by the feeling of Cersei caressing my shoulder. She had the same look in her eye that she had last night, a look I was almost sure I mirrored. She greeted me by kissing my neck, and touching me between my thighs. My Septas never spoke of love between two women, but they also never spoke of the pleasures of bedding, nor the chance someone may wish to look upon my face as the lay with me, as Cersei had done then. In that moment I decided to forget my Septas teachings, for how could they possibly know what it's like to lie with a man, or a woman? Ser Jaime and Lady Cersei are my new teachers in this matter, as it should be._

_Once I returned to my chambers I got dressed and went about my duties. It felt no different than when I did this yesterday. The only difference I can feel is the heated looks Jaime and Cersei have been giving me whenever I come across them. I can feel myself flush under their gaze, but so far I don't believe anyone but those two have noticed. I have been invited to dine with them again in their chambers this evening, and however improper it is to do so, I hope we will repeat the activities of the previous night.’_

 

Jaime had felt his face flush while his sister had been reading. Even though it hadn't been explicit, hearing that night in Brienne’s own words had only fueled his arousal further. 

“If I remember correctly we did far more, improper, things to her the second time”. Cersei was smug, and why wouldn't she be? They had just been given unquestionable proof that Brienne thought they were good in bed. That would be enough to stroke anyone’s ego. “Do you remember how she blushed when you compared it to riding a horse? How innocent she was”.

“If I remember correctly, you were equally flushed when she licked your cunt”. Finally, she looked somewhat embarrassed. Jaime savored it. It was rare to make his twin show any kind of emotion. It soon passed however.

“Either way, I believe that was the last proper entry”. She turned the page, checking to make sure she hadn't missed anything.

“Really? What else does she say?” They were only half way through the book at this point, and the events of the last entry had occurred over six months ago. 

“Nothing but the occasional scribble about politics or battles, and a tally chart”. She flicked right to the back. “Hang on, there's something else”. Cersei read the page in silence, then once she had finished she simply frowned and looked out the window.

“Dare I ask what it says?” He got up and stood next to her chair. When she didn't respond Jaime began to read the page over her shoulder. 

_‘Cersei, Ser Jaime. I know you've been reading the contents of this book._

_I knew when I began recording my thoughts here there was a good chance one of you would find it, and knowing Cersei, would choose to read it. While I wish I could say I expected better of the pair of you, I would be a fool to have hoped you'd have left it alone._

_I would greatly appreciate it if you returned this book to where you found it. And Ser Jaime, if you would be so kind as to inform me of how much you both read so we are all on the same page, I would be most grateful._

_Brienne.’_

 

It took a few seconds for the information to set in. Then when it had, Jaime started to laugh. The situation was so absurd, how could he not laugh? When he saw the disappointed look on his sister’s face he only laughed harder.

“What's so funny?”.

“This!” He indicated to the room with his arms. “Everything!”. When it was clear Cersei didn't understand he went on, “Brienne. Kind, honorable Brienne, knew we'd read it. And she doesn't care!”

The idea that Brienne trusted them not to mock her, or hurt her with what they’d read proved how far she had come with controlling her insecurities. Well, at least the ones concerning them anyway. Not only that, but she knew them well enough to know they'd read it. She didn't burn it, or lock it away, or even throw it in the sea. She kept it, knowing that one day one of them (most likely Cersei) would read it. While she may wish they upheld the same code of honor she does, she didn't expect it of them. Didn’t expect them to be something other than the Golden Lions she fell in love with.

“I thought you of all people would be upset that your precious love expected the worst of you”. He knew what she was doing, and it wasn't going to work.

“You're just annoyed that she knows you so well”. Cersei scowled. “We will apologize to her when she gets back from her duties. Now, put that back were you found it. I'm going to go ask the cooks to bring our supper to her chambers”. He leaned down and kissed her reluctant lips.

“And what if she throws us out?”

“We’ll go hungry. It's the least we deserve after what we've done”. And with that Jaime left Cersei to pout as he went off in search of the kitchens. He truly hoped Brienne forgave them, and from the sounds of that last entry, he thinks she will. He was grinning like a fool, hopelessly and utterly in love with the most dishonorable woman and the most honorable woman in Westeros. This was his life now, a mixture of the best and worst of human morality. 

And he wouldn't have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it. I didn't really know how to end it, so sorry if the ending seems a bit odd.
> 
> P.s- The tally chart in the diary was Brienne keeping a record of every time they had sex. I felt like she'd want to record it, but not in explicit detail.


End file.
